Today, I got a text. He said he needed me. My heart skipped a beat. Did he fall and hurt himself? Waiting for the response back was torture. I finally get an answer, he did have an accident, but not a fall. He couldn’t quite make it to the bathroom. I had to leave work to help him.
It has been quite a while since I’ve really had to do something like this for him. Cleaning after him. Helping him at such a level.
I got home and upon walking in the door, it reeked of feces. He managed to get himself to the shower and try to clean himself, but his clothes were a mess and the bathroom was a mess. I was about to start cleaning when he got up again to try and use the bathroom, when he had another accident. So, I got him in the shower to wash him for a second time. While doing so, though, a curtain rod that we have in our shower holding all our bath items fell down. In my haste to clean it up, I cut myself with a razor blade…a rusty blade.
I cleaned it out, put on a band-aid, and finished helping Scott get cleaned up. I then start cleaning up the bathroom – the floor, the toilet, the sink, everywhere. I also got his soiled clothes rinse out and soaking in water with detergent. Then I went to the clinic for a Tetanus shot.
My fear with what happened is how things will just get worse. I don’t know if he has a stomach bug or if he’s taking too much stool softener or if it is the radiation or if it is the cancer. Losing control of bowel movements, though, isn’t a good sign. I feel that this is the beginning. The beginning of the end for him. The start of his decline. I’m hoping the radiation and chemo will kick in and change all this. But I don’t know. I’m scared and I feel so helpless. Unfortunately, Scott didn’t respond to chemo very well and will likely want to discontinue it. But we’ll see. He’s already been told that he doesn’t have much time. Six months or less. Why the hell did this have to happen?
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