What else could go wrong?

 I was anxious. My stomach was in knots. But after learning about the news of Scott being unresponsive on one side, I was afraid. I was scared out of my mind. I had no idea what we were going to do. I didn't know what to expect. What would he be like? How would he change? Will he be like that forever? 

Kate and I made our way to the fourth floor. We looked up at the signs and make our way to the ICU. We find the ward that he is staying at and as we enter, I look up to see a sign. Neuro ICU. Flashback: my mother died here. Eight years and six days prior we had to let her go. She was brain dead. I immediately began to sob; tears falling down my cheeks. Kate and someone at the nurses station began to ask if I was okay. I could barely utter the word mom.  Thank goodness he wasn't in the same room. But there he was. Bandages. Tubes. Machines. 

My husband, now helpless in bed. He was mostly out of it. But he was restless. Already restrained on one side.  He kept moving his right arm and leg. He kept saying free arm. He nearly pulled out his tubes. Hence the restraints. 

I couldn't stay long. Tired from waiting all day. Knots in my stomach from being in that place. And children to go home to. He was being taken care of. There wasn't much I could do. So I left. Yet I felt awful for leaving. How do you balance husband and children. How do you choose? 

The next morning I made French toast and sausage for the kids. I felt they needed normalcy. Their worlds have turned upside down, too. They asked to see daddy. I could not let them. They are too young for the ICU. 

It would be later that, after the kids saw a child life specialist and I visited Scott for a bit, while we were at Burger King I got the call from the doctor. Scott had a stroke which is causing the paralysis to one side. After recovery, he would likely undergo rehabilitation. My husband would be wheelchair bound. I broke down in the parking lot. In front of my children. Hayley came to hug me. Comfort me. I really did not know what to do. Of all things, we really didn't need this hurdle in our lives. As if cancer was enough. A stroke?! Wheelchair? How was he going to get in our house? Could we break our lease? Could we find a wheelchair accessible home to rent? What would he think? What would the kids think? Could I take care of him? So many unanswered questions.